New Year, New Me?

Here we are.

January 1, 2021. 

Day one of the next 365 days.

There’s a swarm of social media posts sharing goals, aspirations and resolutions for the New Year and while they’re certainly inspirational…it’s not something that I will be participating in.

For starters, it’s hard to create a list of goals because I am constantly working on myself and mostly anything that could be a goal, is something that my adult ass should be doing anyway. 

However, last year, one of my Instagram followers (Ashley Amber Photography) posted a list of words to pick from to carry us into 2020. The three words that I chose were intent, consistency and finish. With the dumpster fire we just escaped, it goes without saying that I waivered shortly into the new year. No worries, I was still that bitch, ok?

Photo provided by Happiness is Homemade via Pinterest

In keeping that new tradition going, my word for 2021 is “love”. I want to speak more from a place of love. I want to move in love. And I want to extend more love, freely. After all, there’s a whole painful tattoo across my shoulder blade dedicated to a scripture (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) that speaks of love. I should be striving to exemplify it, right?

Reflecting on the interactions and relationships this past year, I realized that I was the one giving life to a lot of dead situations. It was me being the bigger person after a disagreement. It was me inviting people to do things. It was me sending random and/or celebratory gifts to people just because I was thinking of them. It was me initiating conversations. Some of the people I was holding on to showed me on more than one occasion with their insouciant miens that unless I had something to offer, my presence wasn’t needed. So to the nearest exit they went. And by nearest exit, I mean text thread deleted, photos cleared from iCloud, number blocked and access to me…REVOKED. And while I understand that life was beyond words last year, this isn’t a new experience for me with people like this.

With that in mind, I have decided that I was deserving of the same kind of energy and love that I consistently extend to others. Part of letting love carry me through this year (and beyond) means not accepting anything less than what I want from anyone; be it romantic partners, friendships or relatives. We are all deserving of reciprocation, support, and love from the people we allow into our spaces. Anything other than is exhaustive both mentally and emotionally. Ain’t nobody got time for that! I will no longer water myself down. In fact, I will no longer be breaking myself down into bite size pieces to make myself easier to digest. They can choke. 

Here’s to 2021…may it be a year of love. 

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